DenialDepression
by ROexx
Summary: Life can be too much. Depression can make it worse, so can Nick Jonas. Child abuse. Self harm. When life becomes too much, love wounds kill and happiness is just a word.
1. Chapter 1

"Bitch DenialDepression

Chapter 1: Introduction

"Bitch!" I yelled at Miley. We were best friends but she was getting on my nerves, and I have very bad anger management issues. I punched her, once, she wasn't worth it.

She fell unconscious on the floor. I walked off as though nothing had happened.

I went into the bathroom and locked myself in the cubicle. I stuck my finger in my throat. I came out and looked at my reflection. "I hate this! I hate me"

I was digging my nails into my skin, it was bleeding now, but it didn't hurt. I enjoyed it.

I couldn't stand school, it was only recess, but life isn't real anyway.

I walked out of the bathroom, people were staring at me, but I just headed towards the exit, holding back the urge to go and punch them all.

I was out of the school. I was planning to go to a Goth club tonight (but now obviously Goth means emo), but now seems like a good time as well.

After walking for an hour I had finally reached the club, I needed the exercise anyway, I was fat. I got in, looked around and found a spot in the corner that looked like a good place to just sit and scratch my arms for a while.

"I am so sick of this. I get all the attention in the world but none at all, no one even cares" Nick muttered to himself. He was getting away from all the happiness and the people at the set of Camp Rock.

He noticed a club, it was kind of empty, a place that he could just be by himself and think about things before he had to find…other ways of making himself deal with it all.

He walked into the club and the first thing he noticed was a blonde girl. She didn't look like she belonged there but something about her made him sit down next to her.

"Hey" He said.

"Why is it…no one notices?"

She looked up at him, tears in her eyes, she was trying to hold them back. Seeing a girl, that pretty and that sad, Nick felt his stomach lurch.

"I noticed you" Nick sighed. This would be possibly the worst way to start a conversation.

"So what, who are you? No one I know actually cares about me"

"I know"

"You know? I doubt it. After what I've been through today. My best friend," Lily corrected herself "Ex best friend bitches about every small flaw to the whole school, I don't think anyone even notices how she makes me feel, comparing me to her. Throwing up after every meal"

She wiped her eyes to get a proper look at the person sitting next to her. She frowned.

"You're a Jonas Brother." She looked at him with hate. "I'm Lily, wait why are you here? Aren't you living the life of glamour" her voice was sour.

"No, people think they know me and judge me on that" Nick looked at Lily holding eye contact. "But they don't, no one does, my brothers don't even pay enough attention to me"

Nick looked at Lily's arm, then to her bloody fingernails. He rolled up his sleeve to reveal some scars.

Lily almost burst into tears again. She grabbed his sleeve rolling it down. She felt a rush through her. She did not care about anything.

Nick looked at Lily, fear gone from her eyes momentarily, he understood it, and he felt it too.

Nick reached in and kissed Lily. Full make out. When he finally broke it, he was panting.

"Denial"

"Depression"

"Email?" _Great! The smoothest way to ask a girl for their email address_ Nick thought.

Lily smiled, eyeing him but staying silent. He was such a loser when it came to girls.

She suddenly realised her arm was still bleeding, she felt light headed. Her eyesight faded in.

The blackness engulfed her.

DenialDepression DenialDepression DenialDepression DenialDepression DenialDepression

"Wake up, Lily please wake up" Nick was standing over Lily in the hospital.

Nicks phone rang. "Hello? … It is not like you care …I don't care ….Joe get out of my business! WOULD YOU JUST LEAVE ME ALONE? Look, I will come when I want. I don't care about dinner!" Nick hung up the phone. Restraining the urge to throw it on the floor and step on it.

"Lily this is my fault. I'm so sorry. I should just get out of your life it would be better" He was staring at her unconscious figure on the bed. He sighed and a hurt look filled his eyes as he dragged a chair right next to Lily's bed, sitting on it, while resting his head on the bed holding Lily's hand.

Lily woke to see Nick, with his head on the hospital bed tears falling like a river down his cheeks. For a moment, she just stared at him, forgetting her own problems. After a while, Nick noticed Lily had woken up and sat up to look at her, his eyes red and his hair a tangled mess. "Lily" He managed to say.

"Nurse!" Lily pressed the button that alerts the nurse. A nurse walked in "Hey Lily your finally awa--" Lily cut her off "Can I have the release form"

"We would actually like to keep you in, talk to you about the cuts on--"

"Just give me the forms!" Lily practically yelled.

The nurse walked out of the room, muttering to herself.

"Lily?" Nick gave her a questioning look.

"Look your nice, but I don't know you, please just leave me alone"

Lily grabbed the forms from the nurse as she walked back in, signed them, then stomped out of the hospital.

'2 hour walk' Lily sighed to herself looking down at her stomach 'I need it'

DenialDepression DenialDepression DenialDepression DenialDepression DenialDepression DenialDepression

Nick finally reached his house. He felt empty, his stomach rumbled but he didn't want to eat. "Nick?" Joe called from inside the house.

"What?!" Nick snapped at Joe.

"What was that about, on the phone?"

"It doesn't matter! Mind your own business!" Nick went upstairs fuming. 'I didn't even get her freaking last name!'

"There's something wrong with him" Kevin said to Joe as he got some cold pizza out of the fridge.

"We need to help him"

"Yeh…just give him space for now"

Kevin and Joe stayed silent while they were eating, thinking about their little brother.

"I am so over life. It's over-rated, no one would care if I was gone anyway" Nick hissed to himself, he sighed, "I gotta find that girl"

**8 pm**

Lily had finally reached home "Lillian!" Heather screamed. "Get in here now!"

Lily ignored her mother and kept walking towards her room "Lillian stop ignoring me and get here right now!"

"Get out of my business, Mother" Lily let the word 'mother' roll of her tongue like acid.

"You are in so much trouble!"

Lily stomped up the stairs, into her room and slammed her door.

"I can't believe I did that to him, Nick Jonas" She sighed "Oh well, he's only a Disney freak" Lily looked around her room.

"MOTHER WHERE IS MY COMPUTER?!"


	2. Simply just hard

Denial Depression

A/N just imagine Nick with dyed black hair…are you getting the same hysterical image as me??

Denial Depression

2 Simply just hard.

Lily POV

"Lillian, breakfast" I groaned as I woke up to my mother shouting up the stairs for something that isn't even worth it…food.

I rolled over, my stomach rumbling, but I didn't want to eat.

I actually considered going down there for a second, then I remembered what I did yesterday, I knew my mum would throw a spaz attack.

(spaz attack…? I don't even really know what that means but anyway, why not use it in my story)

"Will you at least get ready for school?" It was Wednesday, I looked at my timetable, triple math, no way was I going to go to school today.

What is the point of Math's anyway? It's just useless knowledge that I won't need because my future job will NOT include maths. Ech, future.

I looked into my closet I pulled on the first things I could find, baggy Jeans and T-shirt. I looked at myself in the mirror. My eyes ached over the image of myself, stopping at my arm. I pulled the bandage off, grabbed a long sleeve shirt taking of my T and replacing it with the long sleeve shirt.

I grabbed my bag and went downstairs slowly trying not to draw any attention to myself.

My nose wrinkled when I smelt the food. My head spun.

I reached the bottom of the stairs. I wasn't quick enough. "Lily, we _need_ to talk about what happened yesterday"

"There's nothing to talk about"

I walked fast to the door, my mother following me. I yanked open the door, walking though than slammed it., ignoring my mothers shouts from inside.

I dropped my bag behind the bushes in the front of my house. They are finally useful.

I walked towards that club.

It was not my ideal place to spend the day, but thinking about the boy I met there, I just, I couldn't not go back.

He wasn't much, at all, but I felt that when we were talking, that he got me, he understood.

I sighed.

No POV Jonas Brothers

"Come on Nick, remember we have to do that scene for Camp Rock today" Joe tried to get Nick to hurry up.

Nick looked at Joe blankly.

"We _have_ to go" Joe said getting annoyed at his brother's unusual behaviour.

"Come on we gotta go now." Kevin said emerging from the kitchen walking towards the door.

The three of them slid into Kevin's car sitting in an awkward silence.

This car ride was different than all others, Joe didn't even try to say 'Awkward'.

Kevin stopped the car outside of the Camp Rock set.

"I don't wanna waste my summer at some camp" Joe said.

"Hey, man, we used to love this place." Nick said emotionless, with his voice low, his gaze was in the complete wrong direction.

"CUT! Nick, what's wrong with you?"

"Wrong with me? There is nothing wrong with me! I'm fine!"

Nick fumed for a second, looking at everyone in the eye, glaring. He walked off the set swiftly, still fuming.

The door slammed. Joe and Kevin glanced at each other as they exchanged expressions. They nodded slowly, looking down at the floor.

Nick had walked two blocks and was leaning against the wall of the building. He was panting, the two blocks seemed like a longer journey than the day before. He had a headache building up. He groaned pulling himself off the wall and continued making his way towards the club he was at before, his mind racing around the image of the girl he had met there.

Lily fazed back in when she saw a freak with bad afro-ish hair standing at the entrance of the club.

(**omigod I dissed the hair…sorry, but it's true. I would crack up if a really saw a guy with hair like that)**

"Lily!"

"Disney freak" She replied without a waver or the slightest bit of emotion in her voice.

Lily POV

I was happy to see him, I just couldn't manage to show it, it was….hard.

Simply just hard.

He looked down at my arms (I had my sleeve pulled up) just staring at it.

"The bandages…"

I looked down at my arms again, my ugly pale skin. The scars showing clearly. I quickly rolled my sleeves down and he dropped the subject.

(Nothing against pale people, I swear I am really really pale its kinda sad)

We sat there for a minute, breathing deeply. He looked at me, he was sweet, sad and cute. It sent shivers down my spine. I looked back at him, but I couldn't bring myself to look him in the eyes.

"Come with me" He nodded his head towards the door, standing up, he held out his hand waiting for me

I stood up, ignoring his hand and followed him.

"Don't you have celebrity things to do? Not just hang with…me" My voice turned sour saying 'me'.

He looked back at me, I could see he was thinking. "I don't care about being a celebrity, I don't even like it! Everyone always expects so much from me, I'm not that great. And there's nothing wrong with you" His voice lightened when he said the last line.

We walked for a couple minutes, glancing at each other. I looked over at him and he looked back.

I looked away, I saw a girl glaring at me, I didn't recognise her "ILUVNICKJONAS" (**thanks for the rad review)** She spoke the words so fast I could barely make out what she said. But I did manage to and I shot her a death glare.

Nick had also heard her. He looked at her, his eyes flashed with rage.

She stood there breathlessly. We kept staring at her. She looked like she was about to apologise and start crying. She started breathing hard, just standing there, she took a couple steps back.

"You said being celebrity was good?"

"No, I would never want to be famous" My voice was taken over by my breathing. Nick had finally stopped walking.

We were in front of a giant hotel. I looked up, than at him. "I never actually thought suicide but I don't…" He cut me off

"This would be my house" Nick said unenthusiastically to me.

I was breathless, I had just walked a long distance, I hadn't eaten anything for about a day. My vision started going blurry.

"Lily?!" A confused voice came from the distance.

My vision focussed, my body wasn't working yet, I was lying down unconscious on a bed staring at the ceiling. My hand twitched, I could feel blood rush back to my brain.

I sat up slowly, my stomach hurting. Nick was there, just staring at me, fazed out. I felt like running out again. I stood up suddenly, but gravity pushed me back down onto the bed.

Nick had fazed back in, he picked up the guitar that was lying in his lap and played.

"Wounds cut clean, feel the pain. Cry the tears, think the thoughts, let the wound heal_._

Let your heart beat, a little faster, let the blood flow through you. Feel life, feel love, don't let it cut you. Don't let it…cut you" He whispered the last two words.

(**…just imagine it Nick Jonas style, and its not a rap! It's slow.)**

I stared at him, open mouthed.

His voice, was perfect, the song made me feel bad. It wasn't the best song but it still got into my head. "You are really good" I said closing my mouth.

He shrugged. I sat there listening while he strummed cords.

"Do you have any songs? You know, just venting songs or something"

I thought for a second. "Life sucks! Foods crap! Sometimes I think it's not worth living"

He frowned. "That, was the worst song I've ever heard."

I smiled. I actually smiled! It felt terrible, but I managed it.

"Let's get out of here." I said, the nothingness of this room was getting to me.

We both stood up and walked to the door; he put his arm around me. My heart stopped for a second, and my breathing became shallow.

We stepped outside the building. The press was everywhere, taking pictures of Nick and I. "Fu--" I said quickly hiding behind Nick. "Nick! Please I don't want to be in magazines, I don't want people knowing me."

He took a deep breath. He walked, round to where the wheel chair ramp was and we ran down. We got to the taxis and jumped in. **(A/N: a taxi is a cab if you don't know)**

I saw the press running towards us and I ducked down. I blurted out my address and the taxi started almost running over some press on the way out.

The taxi pulled up at my house, I ran out of the car and into my house completely forgetting about Nick.

"Lillian!" I ignored my mother. Since my computer was gone I had to check my phone. I got to google on my phone and typed in 'Nick Jonas' then looked at images.

It was already there! A picture of Nick, and me together, with his arm around me.

I screamed!

I was never going to see Nick Jonas again.

My heart lurched.

I couldn't

I just can't!

I ran downstairs, ignoring my mother calling at me. My eyes were red, tears ran down my face. I ran into the kitchen and grabbed a knife. I didn't even bother to look at my mother standing there. My heart was racing so fast. The tears kept pouring out of my eyes. I couldn't breath. My throat was clenched up. The blood in my veins was burning me, from the inside. I gasped through my tears and ran into the bathroom. I raised my unsteady hand, shaking as I locked the door.

I leaned against the wall in the bathroom, everything blurred from the tears. Sliding down into a ball position, a razor blade lay beside my hand. I was trembling. I looked at the knife. _Feel the pain, cry the tears. Don't let it cut you. _My mind was spinning. I looked at the knife, my hand trembling next to it, I heard my mum banging at the door, begging me to come out.

I felt my pulse beating fast, I felt the pain without any real pain. I was crying, my thoughts where spinning around my head so fast.

I heard my heart beating, faster than usual. The blood running inside me burnt. I felt it! I felt it all! I wanted it to stop!

I screamed again.

_Wounds cut clean, feel the pain. Cry the tears, think the thoughts, let the wound heal._

_Let your heart beat, a little faster, let the blood flow through you. Feel life, feel love, don't let it cut you. Don't let it…cut you_

I kicked the razor blade away. I heard it scraping the floor, my hands were now gripping my head in pain, my eyes staring at the floor. The noise continuously repeating in my head. I sat in that position, my mind to cloudy, shaking for the whole night.

A/N See the song represents pain, making you think its about cutting but it's not…sweet P It's about what you feel when your in that state.

Iluvnickjonas I loved your review! and im hoping I didn't screw up this chapter…I like got up to page three…than deleted a page and rewrote it totally different.

LoveIsWrittenOnMyArms – I totally spazed when I got your review!! and yeh sorry if I screwed this up, im gonna edit it like three times, than get my sis to edit it before I post it.

Please Review! even if its just 'cool story' and if you have constructive criticism go ahead and tell me!!

Kay, I need an editor. For this story, co-writter or something please if you have good idea's for the story, and think you can help with my poor editing! please feel free (cause she doesn't want me, her sister, to edit for her :'( )

Des xx

Ps. Sorry for the lame chapter name, but when I wrote 'Simply just hard' it really stood out to me.


	3. Dealing with phsychi's insomnia

A/N so I've been sent to a lot of psychiatrists

**A/N so I've been sent to a lot of psychiatrists. THEY ARE ALL CRAP. They make you talk about your problems, than say 'That must be horrible' then your like 'I already know its horrible!' Then you leave feeling more horrible than when you came in.**

**I would have to say, the WORST psychi I have ever been to was the one that said. "Anything you want to say" I would go "Nup" Then she sat there, thinking for an hour.**

**For an hour, I sat there, watching her think. Than when I asked if I could go, she got cryptic "See if I said yes, it wouldn't really help you, and I don't think it would do any good if you left early, but if I said no you would stay here, being deprived of your free will, but I think you should stay. Personally. It'll be better for your soul."**

**I sat there staring at her. PEOPLE, refuse to see PREGNANT psychi's!!**

**I found it better when I was swearing at them in my head, and thinking up some great ways for them to die, or just get lost laughs **

**I may refer to them as Phschi's, because in real life I do that.**

Denial Depression

Chapter 3: Insomnia/ Dealing with Phsychi's

Lily POV

It's been a long day, my mum walked me to school today. Their were actually security guards!! At all the exits and entrances to the school. I, for one actually had to go to classes! There was always someone with me!

I was home now, it was 3 am, I hadn't slept. I didn't feel tired at all. I just lay there emotionless on my bed, staring at the ceilings. Every now and then I would look at my alarm clock by the bedside table. The darkness in my room surprisingly felt comforting, I always liked the dark.

--

4 am,

-

5 am

I JUST COULDN'T SLEEP!

I sighed, turning to my side.

_Sleep_,

It was the only thing one my mind.

--

3rd person POV

_With Jonas Brothers. . ._

Nick slept restlessly in his bed. It was 11:30 am. His brothers stood there watching him in the doorway.

"Are you sure?" Joe asked Kevin, below a whisper.

"We have to help him" Kevin whispered back. Joe slightly nodded, not taking his eye's off his sleeping brother.

"Nick wake up!" Kevin said loudly-ish.

Nick groaned, turning to his side so his back was now facing his brothers'. "Get up Nick, we are taking you to see a Psychiatrist"

That finally got Nick's attention. He sat up looking up as his brothers in disbelieve.

"There is no way you will get me to see, one of those…. THINGS!!"

"**You** are seeing one!" Joe said insistently.

"Whether you want to or not!" Kevin finished.

Nick only groaned. There was no way he was going. They can't make him go.

"I'm not going" Nick said stubbornly, laying back down on his bed and getting comfortable again, he pulled his blanket over his body.

"Now either get up and go yourself, or we will drag you!"

Nick turned back to look at his brothers, his eyes were filled with disbelief and hatred.

Kevin pulled the blanket of his brother.

"You're already wearing your clothes" Nick had fallen asleep in his clothes last night…

"So you're going…now!"

Before Nick could do anything, Joe had pulled Nick's hands behind his back and was holding him so there was no chance he could run.

Nick struggled. He tried to break free, but Joe was holding him tightly. Kevin had the door open and Joe, (with Nick still locked up in his arms) led them through the door.

A few swear words escaped Nick's lips as he tried hard to break free from his brother's tight grip.

"Dammit Nick, stop struggling so much" Joe groaned.

"You're not the one being taken against his will!" Nick said through gritted teeth.

"**We are helping you!"**

"I DON'T NEED HELP" Nick tried to make another break for it, but was held back by Joe. "LET GO OFF ME!"

Did his brothers think he was crazy? He just couldn't believe they were making him do this!!

They had gone round the back, this was NOT something they wanted the press to have a picture off. Joe forced Nick into the car, and Kevin got in the front and drove off, ignoring Nick's screams.

Nick was pacing around the room. The psychie just watched him. Nick was so frustrated by the silence. "Say something!" he screamed angrily. What was the point of her just sitting there?!

"Ok Nick, how is everything?" She asked. Nick stared at her like she was crazy.

"You would know, if it was good, my brothers would not have dragged me here!"

She nodded, writing something on her clip board. "I agree that was very unfair of them, but I'm glad you came" she slightly smiled showing her teeth.

Nick threw his head back annoyed, he was still pacing. "Glad I came" Nick repeated to himself, mocking her. "It's like they don't even notice I have feelings!"

"Is it really your brothers that make you mad?" she asked, then Nick finally noticed her smile for fully of pity.

"YES! …no…well, It's the fame! It's too much, especially those teen girls! They don't respect that I am not just some guy out of a magazine, but now that's it, that's all I am"

"Nick, there is nothing wrong with people you don't know thinking that."

"BUT THERE IS!" He stopped pacing for a second, than started again. "I'M GOING TO END UP IN SOME MAGAZINE WITH PARIS HILTON OR SOMETHING"

"Whoa now, I have talked to Paris, that's not her! That's just what the press tells you" She pushed back her glasses.

"See, what they say makes people believe it! I bet they think I'm on drugs and having sex with Lily!" he yelled.

"So, it doesn't matter. The people you know and trust won't believe it, why do you care what others think? They don't even know the real you."

"It's just….I just…."Nick struggled for words. "I don't want people thinking that about me" he finished, a little calmer.

"So is there anything good happening?"

Nick stopped pacing, his heart stopped for a second. "Yes…Lily, I met her one time when I ran out of the Camp Rock set"

Nick paused looking at the phsychi. "We have so much in common, I really like her. But after we got attacked by the media I don't think she will ever want to see me again. She was telling me that she didn't want any form of attention. And being famous is the biggest form of attention you could get!"

He took a deep breath in. "Now she's gonna be in all the magazines as Nick J's GF"

Nick leaned against the back wall in the corner and slid down into a sitting position.

"Nick you can't give up on her" She comfort.

"I know I can't. . . I love her" he whispered as a small tear drop rolled down his cheek.

**A/N awww…im sorry this is a terrible chapter. **

And also eep. Whoa now …such a fun phrase. seriously say it to yourself.

Please tell me if my A/N's ruin the mood of the chapter.

Des xx

ps. sorry for the long wait, but I sorta do this thing where I don't update till the next chapter is written. Then I'm like not feeling depressed enough to write it or have homework of something like that.


	4. Falling

Denial Depression 4

Denial Depression 4

Lily POV

My head slowly moved downwards, it felt like I was actually falling asleep. I closed my eyes kind of happy for the first time in week... I WAS SLEEPING!

Just then my alarm clock beeped and the song 'SOS' by guess who…the Jonas Brothers started playing. They had finally made the top thirty with their 'new' hit single.

I wanted to throw a blade at the clock, no not a blade I just wanted to throw the clock on the floor and step on it. I reached for the snooze button.

"Lily, up!" My mother shouted from the stairs, about two seconds later.

I threw my head back, wide awake now. _Such a nice sleep I've had,_ I thought to myself sarcastically.

'Fuck,' I muttered, getting up from my bed.

My head ached, and my stomach rumbled. It hurt from not eating. Not eating anything.

I groaned and tried to walk to my closet. My whole body ached.

I looked in the mirror. "Oh my god, my hair is so flat, my stomach. Ah I'm so fat!"

I left the mirror and went to look inside my closet. My tops were all too tight. I'm already fat enough I don't need my tops to make it show more!

I groaned again, pulling out a black top that was way too big for me and some wide leg jeans.

I looked at myself in the mirror again. I picked up my bag, my body aching, I knew I would be forced to go to school again today.

I finally reached the bottom of the stairs, I was almost hyperventilating.

I eyed the apple in the bowl approaching it. I picked it up and took a small bite. It felt so good to eat. That's it I would only eat the apple nothing else.

"Lily, before you go," My mum came from behind me, "I need to tell you something."

I looked at her.

"Your fathers coming to visit."

I dropped the apple. There was no way he was coming here.

"He said he wanted to spend mother's day with us, like old times, I think he's actually trying to be a better person."

My insides churned. My father…a better person? There's no way. Screw the apple; I just wanted to get out of the house. My head-ache increased a bit thinking of my mum's words. A better person. Hell no.

I picked up my bag and practically ran out of the house completely ignoring my mum. I mean, she is **actually** letting him come. What sort of person would actually give him a second chance?!

And wait…Mothers Day?! That pathetic excuse for a celebration. That's coming up?

Whoa…there's no one here. I dumped my bag in the bushes again and walked towards the club.

I held my breath as a walked into the club, hoping he would be there.

FLASH

I rubbed my eyes, my head spinning. I looked up and a saw a man trying to get pictures of me. "Oi Nick's GF look this way," I put my hands in front of me.

"Come on play nice!" He tried to get under my hands.

I kicked him, in a place where boys don't like to be kicked. He fell to the ground.

I'm _sorry_ but he was just annoying me.

(Kay A/N, to get in the mood to write this story, I watch these things on youtube, I'm seriously shaking now, it was disturbing.)

"You bitch!" He spat at me, standing up slowly (struggling a lot). I glared at him. "I'm going!" He ran out the door.

I took my usual position by the wall, sitting with my arms around my legs; they were close to my chest.

I sat there for a minute, totally phased out. When I finally realized I still existed, that life is actually real, I noticed he wasn't here. And he probably wasn't coming.

I knew why, I'm not good enough for him; he probably thinks I'm fat and ugly. I'm too short, and everything about me is not right! I'm definitely not good enough for Nick Jonas.

I stretched my legs out. God I hated this. 5 minutes, that's all I'll give him.

Nick J POV

I can't believe I actually talked to…it. That thing. That thing that thinks she knows everything.

**(A/N** **Talking bout the psychiatrist if you haven't figured out yet)**

"Nick it's time to go" Joe said knocking on Nick's door.

"Go where?" I asked suspiciously, moving forward to the door inch by inch, getting ready to lock it.

"Err, uhhm Camp Rock, we have one last scene in this err country."

Nick hadn't thought about what would happen with him and Lily once he had to move for filming.

"Wait, I would know if we had a scene to shoot."

"Nick, just open the damn door!" The handle turned, but obviously the door didn't open.

"Nick, open the door!" Joe turned the knob frantically. He pounded the door, trying to push it open, still turning the knob. "Nick, unlock the door!"

"Nick, please just open the door." Kevin's voice was calm and relaxing.

I looked out my window, there was a thin beam under my window.

I was about to climb out of the window, but of course had second thoughts about it. _Fear_. It always has to come. Screw fear. I don't have time for it. **(A/N Trust me saying that works)** I climbed halfway out the window.

"NICK OPEN THE DOOR!"

"Nicholas Jerry Jonas open this door now!"

"NOW!"

The screaming continued, but I ignored it.

I put my foot on the beam. It wasn't that strong, but I'm sure it would hold me.

I started putting my other leg out of the window.

Joe was pounding on the door. "Open…this ..door….**NOW!!"**

"Nick, please!"

Both of my feet were on the beam, the length between the window and the beam was only half my height.

I took a step sideways still holding onto the window sill. A smaller step.

_Creak_

I looked down. It slightly broke. I tried my luck taking another small step.

It broke under my feet. I had grabbed the window sill, and the edges were digging into my hands.

The bones were aching in my fingers from holding onto the sharp bottom of the windowsill.

Blood was coming out. I couldn't hold on any longer.

I let go. Looking down, my breath was caught in my throat, as the pressure of the fall blurred my eyes.

A/N Poor Nick, remember he lives in a giant hotel up many levels. BTW I wrote a little suicide thing, it's on fiction press.

**Link is posted on my profile! Check it out!**

**Des xX aka Jinx**

**P.S There ya happy Hila, stupid halo.**


	5. ISFDY

**A/N SORRY FOR THE LONG WAIT! ...okay...give me a chance to explain...new computer, than ...okay I am just lazy. but I promise to update bit faster...writing next chapter now...even though chapter 7 is already written. woot.**

Denial Depression

ISFDY

_3rd person POV_

_Jonas Brothers_

"NICK I'M NOT KIDDING OPEN THIS DOOR NOW!" Joe kept banging on the door.

"Wait! Shh!" Kevin held his hand in front of Joe.

_Creak_

"Did you hear that?" Kevin whispered.

"NICK OPEN THIS DOOR!" Joe kicked the door, not managing to do much except hurt his own leg.

They heard a small 'ahh'. Kevin ran to the room next to Nick's looking out the window. "Nick? Shit! He's out on the window." He called to Joe. "SHIT!".

Kevin ran out of the room, he grabbed the front door yanking it open and running down the stairs at full speed with Joe at his heels.

"What?" Joe gasped breathlessly once that had finished running down over 50 flights of stairs, than over to the pool. "Nick..." He stared at his brother who was at the bottom of the pool, frozen in place.

"Shit!" Kevin screamed again then took of his jacket diving into the pool he swam to the bottom and dragged his brother up to the surface. There was blood in the pool, making all the water tinted red. Kevin dragged his brother to the steps of the pool, picked him up and then lay him down on a bench.

"Nick?" He said with muffled tears. "Where's your phone?" Kevin's words were barely audible through his sobs. Joe didn't answer. "WHERE'S YOUR PHONE, DAMMIT?!" Kevin shouted at Joe who immediately unfroze.

"I left it upstairs," Joe managed to say, he's teeth chattering and heart pounding with every word.

"Go get a phone!" Kevin said through clenched teeth.

"Uh…" Joe said. His jumped up quickly and ran to the front office.

Panting he asked for the phone. He grabbed it dialling 911. "I need an ambulance here…now!" he gasped, they asked for the address and he blurted it out in a rush of words.

Joe ran back out, to his brother. A minute had passed, he was not breathing, unconscious and in the process of bleeding to death.

Nick stopped breathing again. "Nick…Nick! Breath!" Kevin shook his younger brother.

Both Joe and Kevin looked up as they heard sirens coming from a distance. "Go tell them where we are!" Kevin ordered Joe.

Joe ran towards the sirens.

Nick's face was white turning a slight shade of blue.

"There!" Joe managed to spit out, panting and pointing over to where Nick and Kevin were. A Paparazzi took a picture of Joe. Joe gasped. "Stay back!" He ordered roughly to the paparazzi before running back to Nick.

"Nick? Nick can you hear us? Stay with us Nick!" A lady leaned over him and put her fingers to the pulse in his neck. She moved Nick into the recovery position.

Kevin froze seeing water pour out of Nick's mouth. His eyes filled with tears.

"He's still not breathing!" The lady reported to the other paramedics.

She put her hands over Nick's heart and pushed it 30 times. "Now." A guy leaned in, put a thing over his mouth, and squished it so that air would go into Nick's lungs.

Nicks chest rose. He took it off. "Nick? Stay with us." The lady talked to Nick. She got smelling salts and put them by Nick's nose. "Come on Nick," Kevin said quietly, but more to himself then to Nick.

Nick coughed. "Come on," the lady said. The two men lifted Nick onto a bed and carried him over to the ambulance. Kevin and Joe followed them into the ambulance.

Lily's POV

Home. It's right there. So is my father. My father. But I can deal with it. I mean, he can't do anything, I mean he won't do anything. No way. He wouldn't. I knew he won't. I stared at the house some more, something I've been doing for the past hour. I would never admit this to anyone, including myself but I was scared. A took a few steps forwards and a deep breath.

I reached for the door handle.

'Lilly?' my father's voice called through inside the house. I sighed, walking in.

"Hi..." I muttered. I couldn't look at his face; my eye's stayed glued to the floor.

"Lily I can't believe you skipped school!" He practically shouted at me as soon as I looked up at him. "What sort of a daughter are you?!"

"Sorry. I can't be perfect." I snapped at him.

"Don't talk to me like that. I am your father!" His voice was shaking; I slowly looked up, biting my lip. I could see the rage in his eyes.

My heart stopped.

"You're not my father," I said through clenched teeth. I was trying hard to keep my cool.

"Listen you little brat. Stay out of my way or else!" he said speaking fast.

My heart lurched. It felt like it had been stabbed. Cut in half. I bit my lip harder.

"Glad to," I muttered.

My father advanced towards me. "You will not get in my way. Got it?"

"Listen '_fathe_r'!" I was getting so mad at him, I'd already forgotten the fact that I was scared. Even though he had really not done anything…yet, I still felt the anger pulsing hot and fast through my veins.

"Your not so perfect daughter--"

"Lillian!" My mother's voice came from behind me. She had just walked in the door. "Don't raise your voice at your father." I rolled my eyes.

She gave me a look saying 'Please don't, I really think he's better'. I flipped her off in my mind. "Sure thing _mother_."

"Honey what happened?" I heard my mother ask as I ran up the stairs. I knew he would feed her lies. Crap. The last thing that I needed was my mother against me and worse, on his side.

I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. I sighed, taking it out and flipping it open . I had a message from Miley. What? That bitch is not my friend anymore!

_Look Lily im sorry. Please come to my Hannah concert tonight. The Jonas Brothers will be there, I know you don't like them but they are really nice. Lily I really am sorry. _

_Please Lily. _

_Des xx_

Miley had signed with her real name nick name. **(A/N I swear that is not why I sign out as that!) **

I used to call her that, before she told me to call her Miley. . . We were the best of friends. Fuck it. That bitch ain't any better. I read the text again. _Jonas Brothers_. Nick. He would be there. I checked the time. Dammit.

I randomly found a black wig, long sleeved shirt (What else could I wear?) and a mini with leggings and dumped it on me.

I tiptoed downstairs. My dad was still there. Better person my ass, he was sneering at me! "Are you going to apologise?" He asked roughly as I walked down the stairs.

"Apologise?" I scoffed. "You? Why?"

"You little whore!" He slapped me across the face.

It burned. I held my palm against my cheek glaring at him. I was pretty used to this by now but it still hurt. Couldn't he at least pretend to like me?! He leaned in close.

"You-"

"YOU'VE BEEN DRINKING!" I was so mad at him. I had to get out of there. I mean when he's sober he's already bad but now he's drunk! Ten times worse!

I ran to the door. I whimpered. It was locked.

Bad memories of this happening before were still fresh in my mind. He took a step forwards. Before I could even think he slapped me again. Then _smirked_. It was that one smirk he always had on when doing this to me. He looked like he was having fun. That bastard.

Then he hit me. Right on my nose, I could hear the crunch of bone. I bit my lip, holding back my tears. I felt the blood flow down my face and onto the floor below me, forming a small pool of bright scarlet.

I held my breath and closed my eyes tight waiting for the pain. He hit my nose again, harder this time. The blood continued to fall from my nose. He grabbed me by the collar of my shirt and slammed me against the wall. I gasped for air, I couldn't breath.

I couldn't look him in the eye, but when I did I saw one thing – hatred. He slapped me once again. Leaving a bright red mark there.

"You were a freaking mistake, you little piece of shit! You are only here now because your slut of a mother forgot to take her pills," he spat.

My heart shattered in my chest. Right there and then. I was speechless for a second. _I am a mistake!_ I couldn't move. My body and mind had frozen.

His hand raised up for an attempt to slap me again.

I grabbed it before it reached my cheek. "Don't touch me!" I managed to choke out. I was surprised by the force in my words. He chuckled and pulled his hand away. But I was still leaning against the wall.

"What are you going to do?" He smirked again. "You never learn do you?!"

He sneered.

He glared at me. "You never," He kicked me hard. "Will learn," He punched me. "Will you," His was rough as he kicked me again. He was mad at me.

When I was younger, I learnt not to fight back. Because it was always much easier to just let him hit me. Because if a faught it would make him madder and hit me harder. But I don't ever learn, like he just said.

"WHY ARE YOU SUCH A USELESS BEING?! WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO TO DESERVE YOU?!"

I felt the cold wet blood drip from my lip now. My nose still hurt badly, but I ignored it. Hoping he'd stop soon, I also kept eyeing the door. In hope my mother would walk in on us.

Why _am I_ such a useless being?

I could feel tears trying to squeeze their way out of my eyes, but I held them back. I couldn't cry. No, not now. Soon he kicked me in the stomach and punched me in the jaw a few times. I let out a groan.

"You worthless," _Hit _"Stupid little," _Punch _"Mistake," _Kick _"Fucking bad excuse," He kicked me with all his force. "For a human being."

I held back all my emotion even though his words cut me and hurt more than anything else he could ever do to me.

He was still holding me by my collar, I was still leaning against the wall, barely being able to stand up.

Then my _father_ pushed me hard and far, I slammed into the wall on the other side of the room. His smirk was still around his stupid face, I couldn't move. My body just wouldn't let me.

Darkness filled the room. The only thing that helped me realize I was still alive was my father's heavy breathing in the room.

I was laying, emotionless on the bloody floor. I wanted to stay there forever.

I heard a door open. "I'm sorry for disappointing you." I muttered to myself. The door closed. I knew he was gone.

I couldn't talk. I felt weak. I regretted not doing anything and letting him hit me.

I felt a few tears fall down my cheek along with blood. This time I didn't try to hold them back, I didn't have the energy for it.

_Nick._

He was the only thing on my mind. I put my hands on the floor turning over helplessly, I tried to stand up, I put my body weight on my arms and coughed out blood. I knew that my clothes were full of blood and that I could barely walk, talk for that matter. But I didn't care. I

I needed to see Nick again. Quickly, I headed for the window in my blood-filled clothes.

I climbed out the window, gasping for breath and choking on the blood. The sunlight hit my eyes and I winced. I need to get to Nick; I needed to get to Miley. My eyes still full of tears, my face still covered in blood, I made my way over to Miley's house. Every breath hurt, every step killed and every thought murdered.

The wind pushed against my wounds. The sun blinded me, and the blood was pouring out of my body. My heart was racing, I was confused…dizzy. I tried to keep my eyes open, tried to keep moving. But I was too dizzy, and the black was pressing in all around me.

Everything was painful. I saw everything. Nick. My mother walking away with my father. I heard the screams and my mothers sobbing. I felt my father abusing me again. I felt my heart shatter and disintegrate slowly as though trying to make me feel the pain; I felt my hunger burning my stomach. And my blood turn to acid.

I was crying, the tears poured down my cheek. A knife lay next to me. I picked it up. I deserved this. Looking around at everyone, feeling my insides burn without hesitation. I cut.

_Beep._ I deserved this _Beep. _I really, really deserved this _Beep. _

The heart rate monitor beeped beside me.

I opened my eyes.

My nightmares are my reality.

**Quote of the chapter: Because each exhaled breath feels like a silent scream.**

A/N Wow, tell me if that was meaningfully sad in your mind, because when I was imagining that it was really…sad…**tear**

ISDY – I'm sorry for disappointing you.

Oh people thank my co-writer for this chapter Halo! She wrote the abuse bit…I just edited it.

Des xx (Seriously, I swear…I'm not some weird Miley wannabe…seriously its just I hate Debs so I got rid of the b. If you have any idea's please feel free to tell.)


	6. Nothing living

**A/N Sorry, lagging on this story…been…well happy? Gasp. I'll try update faster…ONLY if I get your reviews…and I don't bloody care if its one word…just bloody review.**

**DD**

**Chapter 6 Nothing.**

**3****rd**** person POV **

"It's not okay" Joe breathed.

"It's _so_ not okay" Joe reaped the same words over and over again as he looked around, like he was trying to find a place to move too, not finding any place better than his corner in the hospital room. He sigheh and remained lifeless. No expression overpowered his face.

Kevin froze; looking at Joe who had his face hidden. He blinked fast. He knew it, Joe was right. Nick wasn't "Okay" he hasn't been for awhile. But they both choose to ignore it until now. He looked back up where Joe stood against the wall. Staring at the ceiling like it's the most interesting thing he's ever seen.

"Joe, of course it's okay" Kevin heaved. Although he was talking more to himself then Joe.

"They are just…in there…making…" Kevin struggled to find the words. He didn't know how to go on, nor what they were doing to Nick. He just hoped. It was the only thing he could do.

Kevin forced a smile to Joe, trying to sooth him. He had to; who else would?

Joe, who remained lifelessly draped over himself in the corner of the hospital room.

"Joe, trust me…" Kevin sighed. He knew Joe wasn't buying it. He tried once more anyway.

"he's going to be fi- "

Joe's head snapped up, glaring at Kevin. Kevin froze at one glance at Joe. He took one long took at Joe's tear stained face, his eyes were swollen and red. There were circles under his eyes too…he looked… dead.

Kevin's face went pale after getting a glimpse at Joe.

"Don't" Joe gritted through his teeth. His words held no emotion, no anger. "Don't say he is fine. Because he is not. HE'S NO WHERE NEAR FINE" Joe took a deep breath. "You're saying that he's fine now, even though you know he's not! Stop ignoring it Kevin, it's your fault! STOP SAYING HE'S FINE!" Joe looked up at the ceiling. He was slightly surprised at himself, although he didn't want Kevin to see through his tears. His eyes started to water.

Kevin stood there, speechless, motionless, stunned. He couldn't believe it. He didn't hear that, not from Joe. No way.

"Joe…" He gasped. _His fault, _Joe's words stabbed him.

_Kevin, it's your fault!_

Kevin winced at the memory.

It felt as though his heart ripped out of his chest and thrown across the room. It felt like tiny daggers slicing through his skin. He took a deep breath in.

Joe was in the corner of the room, hyperventilating. Tears were trying to squeeze out, but he won't let them fall either.

Maybe it was his fault, he was the older brother. Shouldn't have he noticed sooner? Done something?! He knew they _could've_ done something. But they just didn't. They chosen to ignore it, to deny it. Until now.

**He still was denying it**.

"We've been here, in this hospital waiting room…for three days. Kevin, THREE DAYS! ! He hasn't even regained consciousness. Yes Kevin he's perfectly fine. That's why he's been seen a psychiatrist because he's fucking fine. Nothing to worry about, eh _Kev_? We can just continue with our lives now." he spat, sarcasm dripping from his voice. His teeth were gritted again. He looked straight into Kevin's deep brown eyes.

"3 days, of waiting…for what?! Nothing! You still think he's fine?!" Joe snapped.

"_Nothing"_ Joe breathed to himself. Holding his breath after, his face concentrating.

"Listen Joe, I _promise_ things will…" Kevin, sighed. He couldn't finish that sense even if he tried. There was a long pause between them. Kevin knew lots about promises, he learnt the hard way when he got his purity ring and made that promise. He knew promise was a big word. Not to be used when you can't promise these kind of things.

Kevin instantly regretted his words. He thought of a couple of short seconds.

"..Happen" He finished unsuccessfully. Avoiding all eye contact with Joe.

"_Happen._ . ." Joe breathed just loud enough for Kevin to hear. Nothing was happening.

"We should have known. We are his brothers, aren't we? Friends.." Joe shut his eyes tight, he leaned back against the wall. "Best friends," he whispered "He stormed of the set that day…wasn't it obvious. Noticed…I should have noticed….it was right there…right in front of me." Joe rambled to himself, then froze. Realizing how stupid he was.

"The cuts, I saw then I just didn't believe that.. I couldn't, I didn't want to.." he continued to rant on and on, his emotions and life slowly swinging back in.

"Joe it is not your fault" Kevin said, he looked down at the floor. "It really isn't. I promise."

Promise. It was definitely not Joe's fault.

_It's not your fault, it's mine_. _You even said so,_ Kevin thought to himself.

Joe lifted himself up from the corner, he showed no sign of stiffness, even after sanding there for over an hour. He walked right up to Kevin, standing less than 3cm from him. "We should have noticed, he's our brother" Joe had his teeth bared, and his hand pulled tightly into a fist.

"Joe…" Kevin whispered. He inched backwards, he knew it was true. They should off. He also knew Joe was violent when he was mad, he'd felt it before.

"We couldn't have" Kevin rambled. He was lying; of course, he had to. What could he say "Yeh, we would've noticed and it's all our fault."?! That wouldn't have gone well.

"He'll make it, we'll still be the Jonas brothers…with him. We always will be. He'll be right there with us. Joe. Nick will be…" he trailed off, thinking of a anther word to say. Anything but 'fine' or 'okay'.

"He'll be alright." he offered, he gave Joe a glare that forced them to lock eyes. Just for that moment.

"Like hell" Joe gritted his teeth again, taking one hard step forward grabbing Kevin by the collar of his shirt he slammed him against the wall. Their faces only inch apart.

"Now you say it's gonna be fine. Bloody stop it Kevin and look at the truth! Start noticing, something you should've done a long time ago! It's right in front of you _Kev._ We haven't heard a thing about him, since he was in the ambulance. Put two and two together. The truth is that he is NOT fine. Fucking accept it already" Joe's voice was rough. His eyes wild, he was mad.

"Your always bloody optimistic. It gets you nowhere" Joe said angrily as he pulled Kevin closer, his fist tightly around the collar of Kevin's shirt.

A small tear streaked Joe's face. Kevin watched as it rolled down his cheek. Trying to hold back his own tears. He knew better than to let them fall.

"Joe let go." Kevin said as calmly and forcefully as he could. _"Let go, now"_ He breathed.

Joe's eyes flickered around. His face relaxed slightly, then went back to being afraid. "Listen Joe…we just have to wait. Just a little bit longer" Kevin quoted. Joe flinched at the song name.

"Not every thing is going to be fine! In fact, nothing is!" Joe pushed Kevin backwards, releasing his grip on his collar. He turned back to the wall. Both stood there for awhile, breathing heavily. No one said a word.

"Toilet…" Joe muttered over his shoulder, before walking out of the room.

Kevin sighed. His eyes flickered to the door that started to open.

A woman walked in. She was dressed in a nurse outfit, her blonde hair just above her shoulders. She was fiddling with her clipboard nervously and she was also shaking slightly, her expression almost emotionless. Kevin looked at the nurse knowing that something happened…

"Mr. Jonas?"

"Yes?" Kevin managed to squeak out his eyes filled with both hope and fear.

Joe walked straight back into the room at his name being called, his eyes were locked on the blonde nurse.

"Yeah…"

She bit her lip. "I have some news about Nick"

Her eyes were down, avoiding contact with Kevin and Joe.

"What?" Joe pressed. The nurse hesitated before speaking.

"Well…see, Nick is.. he's-"

_**DD**_

_**Lilly's POV**_

My eyes fluttered open, only for a second. But that's all it took, all it was.

I gritted my teeth as the pain, flooded in fast.

I gasped. My lungs had failed about 80 in one second. I kept gasping, looking down at myself.

Blood.

I was covered in it, my arms. I could also feel some bandages on my face.

My elbows were slightly scratched, not too bad though. Mostly my body just ached and I felt numb. But I didn't care. As long as I felt something. My nose was still bleeding. The blood dropped down onto my face. My ribs were being pressed into my body by a bandage.

I shifted my weight slightly, instantly regretting it. My stomach was bruised, killing me with every gasp. My throat was dry, it felt as if I were on fire. I felt my body slowly killing itself with every movement.

I moved my hand slowly to my stomach. I felt the many punches to the kidney I had taken before. I saw a slightly off colour on my stomach, not a bruise…blood, inside my body.

I looked at my arms again, blinking; I noticing something else…wires, lots of them. I looked up at the walls, white, closing in…almost like. . jail walls. I heard my heart skip. My attention automatically shifted to the heart rate monitor. I felt an anger wave hit my body.

I wanted to destroy it.

I unclipped the wire from my finger, holding my breath as I moved my arms.

Gasping, I slumped back, not ever wanting to move again. Never.

I blinked and stayed where I was. Resting. I didn't want to do this. But I had to.

I groaned as I forced myself into a sitting position again. I could hear myself gasping reputedly but I couldn't feel my mouth moving. I closed my eyes. Trying to pull back the hurt and tears:

_I saw the road up ahead in front of me.._

_I saw my mum._

_I saw my dad… _

_My drunk dad._

_Attacking me in every possible way as I begged him to stop. He didn't. He kept hitting me, not caring if he killed me. _

My eyes filled with tears, I blinked hard not letting any escape my eyes. I couldn't cry. Not again. Not now. I was stronger than that.

I focused myself on the wires, lifting up my unsteady, shaking hand to pull them off.

I let out a cry in pain, which sounded more like a muffled gasp then anything. My voice scratching at my throat. I winced. The wires had taken the tape off with it, which now burned my pale skin.

I held my breath again. Repositioning myself, however another muffled rasping cry escaped my mouth. I ripped of a couple more wires, this time bracing myself for the pain.

I pulled myself of the bed, unsuccessfully. I collapsed onto the floor, I heard my rip crack, as I gasped, falling forward quickly putting my hands in front to catch myself. My arms took the force, shaking unsteadily once again. I coughed, looking down to see blood. I wasn't surprised.

_Mistake. _

I cried, as my tears stained red. Falling into the puddle of blood on the floor. I watched them fall as I forced myself up. I fell back down with a cry of pain. Blood, the stitches on my stomach came undone.

I closed my eyes deciding to keep them closed. Wincing, as I felt the blood drip down my stomach and my arm, adding to the pool of bright scarlet. Sliding myself forward, staining the hospital gown red.

My gasping, rasping breaths filled my head as I forced myself up to grab the door handle. My legs shook, supporting my weight. I fell forward, grabbing the door handle.

_Useless being. _

I cried in pain, falling foreword grabbing onto the door handle. My full weight holding onto the door, leaning in. I groaned for myself of the door.

I held myself back, dazed. Dizzy, From blood loss. I stared at my red outline on the door, and the door handle dripping red.

My foot sunk into the red pool of blood that was on the floor as I exhaled and fell to knees again.

_Worthless, _

I let out a twisted shriek and gasped in pain as I forced myself up. My head pounding and my visions going white at the side, I threw myself at the door using all my force to open it. I fell out into the hall.

I gasped looking back at my trail of blood. I forced myself to stay standing, while I felt the ripping of more stitches. I pushed myself back against the wall, looking up wishing for the pain to go away but I knew it won't. I tried to catch my breath as steadily as I could.

"Oh my god!" I heard a voice vaguely from the side. Then footsteps echoing.

"No!" I tried to shout, pulling back. My voice came out as a raspy whisper. I winced as my throat burned. I kept my eyes close. Trying to stay clam. I knew that voice from somewhere.

My eyes opened. I looked round, looking for the voice. My eyes widened when I saw who it was. In between the white blocking my vision I saw a boy, a teen boy. "Relax" He gasped.

I saw him look down at the trail of blood. His eyes full of fear.

I let out another muffled scream. He looked scared.

"Doctor?!" he breathed.

I caught a glimpse of the boys' face; it was all swollen and full of dried tears.

"NO!" I attempted, trying to shout again. My head was spinning, my throat burning worse every time I tried to speak. I felt my vocal chords ripping inside my throat.

I shut my eyes again as I pushed myself further into the wall trying to get away from the boy. At the same time all my stitches broke and a new load of blood flowed out of me.

I screamed, piercing…high pitched sound that didn't help my throat. I fell forward, getting ready for the pain off when I hit the floor, I only felt I was safe to open my eyes again when I felt myself drop. I didn't fall on the floor, flat on my face like I had expected but instead I fell limp into the boys arms.

Then… I blanked out.

_**DD**_

_**3**__**rd**__** person POV **_

"Doctor!! Please Doctor" Joe called out to the empty hallway. Joe held the unconscious girl in his arms as he felt her blood dripping onto him. He didn't care though. Seeing the girl killed him even more. The blood, her face. It was too much.

"DOCTOR!" he yelled as no one came to help. He leaned against the wall, pulling the girl closer to his body. Her peaceful face rested on his chest as he shifted his weight. He swiped her off her feet, literally as he held her bridal style.

"Please…" he whispered into the wind as a tear fell from his face and onto the girls as she stirred.

_**Quote of the chapter: Pain doesn't hurt when it's the only thing you've ever felt.**_

A/N awfully long wait…I know, I'll try to update more…just FP seems to be more interesting not that I don't love this story…tell me if you think it's getting bit too dramatic.

Also some reviews will you know… make me update.


	7. Shattered

A/N I'm sorry, I really did write this about 5 days after the last chapter… but then my friend who was meant to type it up for me decided it would be fun NOT to send it to me, so yes now I'm rewriting it

A/N I'm sorry, I really did write this about 5 days after the last chapter… but then my friend who was meant to type it up for me decided it would be fun NOT to send it to me, so yes now I'm rewriting it.

Des.

Denial Depression

Chapter 7: Shattered.

Joe sat on the floor, his mind racing as the blood from the girl seeped through staining his clothes.

His throat hurt, and his eyes were dry. Joe closed his eyes and focused on trying to hold up the girl. He pulled the girl onto his legs so he could slide his arms under her and link them again over her chest.

He listened to her raspy, unevenly strained breathing. He couldn't move. He needed to, for this girl, for himself.

For Nick.

Nick. He heard himself gasp. His dry eyes filled with tears again. He couldn't believe it. He wouldn't.

"Nurse?" Joe managed to call out again. The girl stirred in his arms. Joe shifted his weight. I looked up, the white blurred in his eyes as he desperately hoped that someone, anyone would come.

"Are you okay?" Joe phased back into reality as a voice from the distance came up to him. He looked up, his eyes still blurred from the tears.

"Yeh," He choked out. "She's not." He pulled his arms away from the girl. The girls body moved as Joe withdrew his arms. His face fell as he heard the girl groan. She was still unconscious. Like Nick. His eyes fell and the nurse pulled the girl onto a wheelchair.

Joe took a deep breath examining himself. He looked at the time, it had been an hour since the girl had fell on him. His eyes fell the the blood that currently covered his clothes.

He pulled himself up, his bones ached. He stood there, for a moment in the hallway waiting for his senses to come back.

He could go back to Nick's room. Nick's room. Joe took a step thinking about what happened earlier with him and Kevin, he was sure Kevin would be with Nick, and he didn't really want to see Nick again. Did he?

Joe took another step, however this one was in the direction which the nurse had gone taking the girl.

Joe brushed his fingers through his long hair. He needed it cut. He blinked, standing still again.

What if what the nurse said wasn't true. What if Nick…what if he. Joe forced himself to stop thinking.

He continued walking, his breathing shallow and his eyes fixed ahead. He knocked on the door to see the nurse reattaching the wires to the girl.

"Are you related to Lily?" She question as she noticed him standing at the door.

Joe stood there, just staring at the girl. Her purple bruising and her broken ribs. The heart rate monitor beeped just slightly out of time.

The nurse turned around when Joe didn't answer. "Do you want to sit?" The nurse asked quietly. Joe nodded silently as he walked into the room as took a seat, his gaze not moving off Lily. "Would you like a spare change of clothes?" The nurse said. Her gaze fixed on Joe's blood stained clothes.

"No thanks." He whispered. The nurse nodded. "Listen, if she wakes up, could you please make sure she doesn't try to get out." The nurse to her cart. She took some cleaning supplies and started to clean the door and floor.

Joe nodded silently to himself. His mind was racing again. Over everything with Nick.

They should have noticed earlier. He should have seen. He should have done something. Nothing is okay. Nothing is ever okay.

Joe looked at the floor, lyrics going through his head.

He looked up the nurse was gone. He looked at the clock on the bedside table. Half an hour.

Kevin would still be there. He couldn't go. Joe had almost killed Kevin, he could have killed Kevin if he wanted to. Would it be worth it so see Nick's unconscious body?

Joe had a flash of how he last saw Nick. His face was completely white however tinted blue. Joe looked down trying to get the image out of his mind.

"Lily?" Joe said. The girls body shifted. However not waking. Her face was contorted into one of pain.

Joe sighed. "My brother, he's here to. He, he well…he fell of an about 16 story building. Apparently he hit his head on the way down, then he…he drowned. We pulled him out of the pool." Joe voice broke, the tears came back again. "Nick" He muttered, not wanting to say his name out loud. "Nick Jonas."

Lily's body moved again. Her face lightened up and her breathing struck up again. Joe didn't notice. "He's not okay." Joe muttered, his voice barely audible.

Joe stood up moving closer to lily's bed. She was beautiful. She had long dirty blonde hair. She was skinny, her eyes are a dark blue and her skin was smooth.

Joe sat on the end of the bed. His clothes were dry now. Stained. He took of his shirt, so that only his under top was on.

Nick's POV.

I saw Kevin leaving my room. I couldn't say anything to him. I couldn't tell him I was okay.

Where had Joe gone. Why wasn't he hear. Was that why Kevin looked so scared.

What was wrong with me? Why can't I move?

I can't breath by myself.

And I can't nearly talk.

All I know is that I'm alive. I just don't know how long though.

_Flashback_

"_Mr. Jonas?"_

"_Yes?" Kevin managed to squeak out his eyes filled with both hope and fear._

_Joe walked straight back into the room at his name being called, his eyes were locked on the blonde nurse._

"_Yeah…"_

_She bit her lip. "I have some news about Nick"_

_Her eyes were down, avoiding contact with Kevin and Joe._

"_What?" Joe pressed. The nurse hesitated before speaking._

"_Well…see, Nick is.. he's-" She looked down again. "Nick Jonas is in a coma. He doesn't have a very strong chance of survival. His diabetes have already weakened his immune system and the drowning only made it worse. He was also in shock from the fall, which made him immobile. And after the fall, when he hit the water, his head hit the floor. If he ever wakes up there's not a great chance he will ever remember who he was or who you are."_

_Her eyes were locked on Joe and Kevin._

"_You can see him now." Kevin automatically went towards Nick's room._

"_He's in a coma?" Joe said falling to his knees. The nurse nodded. Joe stood up walking away, walking anywhere except for near Nicks room._

**Quote for the chapter: I may be broken but I am not shattered**

I need another quote. I just found two that I fell in love with.

**Nobody said it was easy**

A/N sorry if it kills expectations. ( Sorry for the long wait.

And to be clear. This story is legal. It is Hannah Montana based. Lily Truscot is the main character.


	8. Mental Disorders kill

**This chap is important… and kinda long for me. Sorry for the long wait. And thank you for the favorites I've gotten for this story.**

Denial Depression

Chapter 8: Based on real life.

Joe stood in the hallway. He still had not dared to go to Nick's room. _Why? Why him… out of everyone in the world. He's already diabetic… he's in a coma. He doesnt need this or deserve this. I thought… god, your cared about us more than thi- _

Joe looked up, for the first time he saw a girl, teenager about his age standing right in front of him watching him.

She noticed he had looked up at her. "Oh… sorry. I was… well worried. What's wrong?" Her eyes were locked with Joe's.

"You wouldn't understand" Joe tore his eyes away from the girl. His voice was harsher than he intended it to be. "Sorry" Joe muttered looking at the floor. Not wanting to see the girls face again.

She took a step closer to Joe. "My brother, my older brother. He has been in the hospital for years. First his immune system…his blood, now he has cancer. Lukemia" She stopped for a second. Her gaze was glued to Joe. "He's also dyslexic and has asma. He has never been able to live a life. And now he has barely any hope. The leukemia is killing him"

She took a breath.

"So do I understand or what?" Joe lifted his head to look at the girl. Tears now ran down her face.

"I'm sorry" Joe choked out.

"Don't apologize. That only makes you think it's your fault. Never apologize for something like this." Her voice had meaning. She knew about this.

She started humming. Joe starred at her. "What's your name?"

"Losh. Well, that's just what people call me. My real name is Livi" She continued humming. "Yours?"

Joe looked at this girl. "Do you really not know me." Joe's voice was soft, still in denial.

The girl stopped humming to look up at Joe again. She took a step forward and brushed Joe's hair out of his face.

She smiled. Joe didn't know how she could possibly smile… especially right now. "I think you should sleep." She said running her fingers over Joe's tear stained face. "Come on"

Joe followed her silently to the waiting area. "Sleep" She commanded. Joe sat down.

"Wait.." Joe whispered.

"Yeah?"

"Will it be okay?" Joe mumbled his eyes now closed.

Losh looked down. "Just remember it's not your fault." She sighed than turned.

**Lily POV**

"Do you know what makes you react that way?" I sighed. The hospital actually took it upon themselves to find me a phsychi.

"idk … my mother." And yet I find myself sitting here answering.

"Does she upset you?" Seriously. What did she think I meant by MY MOTHER. Why do you ask again?

"Yes my mother does upset me… did I not just say that" I think she's trying to find out why I'm anorexic.

I mean… why not be anorexic. It's what I want. Right. I mean being skinny. It's the only thing the real world cares about. Look at the models they are all perfect and that's all this society will accept. And anyway if I did eat… it wouldn't taste good.

Nothing tastes good at the moment… actually everything is just tastless. Or if it has high carbs it makes me feel sick to eat it. So really there is no point in eating.

"Yes. Sorry. Anything else? Do you miss anyone?"

"Nick" … That was abit fast. I mean I havn't heard from that Disney in a while.

"Who is Nick?" The phsychi asked suddenly surprised.

"Just a boy I met" And I mean… why would someone who was famous be into someone like me. He wouldn't, but he might if I was perfect like them. I need to be perfect. It's not like anything bad will happen.

"Have you talked to him recently?"

"I've been in hospital sedated recently. How the hell would I have talked to him?" I swear. It's really not that hard to think of the obvious.

Like with the anorexia… the obvious is it's not doing any harm.

It's just not as much food. It's not as if I'm doing shit all day long. It's just abit of weight gain. To be perfect. To be Nick's standards.

"I'm sorry but it's not Nick Jonas is it?" She asked glancing down at her charts of the hospital. Her eyes were scanning the sheets.

I hesitated. "Yeh… him. Wait why?" I looked at her suspiciously as she kept scanning through her sheets.

"I'm meant to talk to him as soon as he wakes up. Apparently the doctors think he will wake up soon. One of the lucky ones." She said still scanning over everything on her sheets.

By then I was frozen. "As in… your meant to talk to him later in the morning when he like… wakes up?"

I hesitated again. She hadn't responded still looking through her sheet.

Does that mean Nick's in this hospital. Does… wait… Joe? Was that. No.

"Yeh hun-"

"Don't call me hun!"

"Sorry… Lily. Yes, he was admitted to the hospital the same day as you. You've both been unconscious except for the entire time. Well, except from your little escape attempt.

I felt the blood rush from my face. NICK.

My eyes blacked around the corner. I think that's when I think she finished looking through her sheets because through my blocked head I could hear her question "Are you okay you look a little pale"

I wanted to answer, I wanted to scream. But my head was throbbing and my breathing has fastened so much, I felt winded trying to get a word out.

I knew I liked Nick, but… I did not expect this to be my reaction.

"Can I see him." I managed to get out. Her face was had a confused expression plastered all over it.

"Yes, you can but… he is still unconscious and I'm not sure it will be good for you to see anyone who you might… have a … relationship with in a state that might make you … depressive"

It's those pauses that those phsychi's put in that make you want to punch them. I sighed. My head was still rushing. The possible only reason I may still be alive is in this building and I am sitting here getting lectured about how seeing him might put me into a 'depressive state'. As if I'm not in one already.

I'm in a hospital!

"Let me see him."

"Before that" I had just starting getting up. Going through the internal pain, okay but yeh she can feel free to kill my bliss. "You've been assigned to, well" I waited for it.

Wait – assigned? What would that mean. Assigned medication, a permanent room? I shivered at the thought of being forced to stay in this bloody hospital.

"Well your dad was investigated" I cringed. 'dad'. "They found him unsuitable to live with. They were going to put you into foster care as your mother was in no state to look after you but then… well they found out about… well everything."

I interrupted. "Everything?"

She looked down as though she almost felt guilty about saying what she was planning on saying next. "The mental disorders, suicide atemps-"

"I haven't tried to commit suicide!" What did she think… I have no need for life….

Shit.

"Okay well apart from the suicide attemps, they put that together with the depression." I sighed deeply and heavily. Her face was now pale, she didn't want to be saying this to me.

"Just fucking spit it out!"

"They think it is for your own safety for you to be put in a mental institute. One for teens. Well 8 – 21 year olds."

My face fell. Mental institute.

That is worse than hospital. That is everlasting white, padded walls. Not even a window for freedom. Every thought and movement will be watched in that small uncleaned area with drugged up kids.

I couldn't even feel my body. It was numb with shock. How many kids does this happen to? Like 1 in a million.

I suppose that bitch of a friend Miley is a one in a million. Yeh, well I'm a fucking one in a million to!

My mind suddenly stopped racing when this thought passed through _I'll never be able to see Nick again._

"Are you ready to see Nick?" I blinked. Suddenly totally aware of my shitty surroundings again. I nodded mutely pushing myself up, my head still to fogged up to notice the piercing pain that was happening inside me.

I looked down, I had completely phased out while that phsychi was talking to me. All I knew was, I was walking in a hospital gown along the hallway of the hospital holding one of those things that like inserts medicine into my blood. Or I think that is what it does.

I stopped infront of a boy who was unconscious outside one of the rooms. "This is Nick's room. I'll leave you." The phsychi walked away.

"Joe?" I asked. I was unsure of who it was. His eyes were red and his was a tangled and messed up disaster. His head raised slighty. A slight groaning noise escaped his lips. "Joe?" I asked again slightly more hopeful.

"Losh?" He mumbled. He's probably delusional. I mean, I would be to if my sibling was almost dead. I held my breath as I watched Joe fall back into unconsciousness. I turned the handle on the door.

I thought my heart was being pierced and shredded inside of me. I saw him. There.

Lieing there. He looked dead. Pale as shit. He had machines breathing for him. I couldn't bear to look at him for any longer. I turned away and walked towards the back of his room.

I felt a tear escape my eye. I felt the tear burning my eye and cheek as it slid down my face.

His chart was placed at the back of the room. I looked at it. Nick was on life support. I squinted my eyes, I didn't want to believe what I had just read.

_6 MONTHS _as in: The hospital will only keep Nick on life support for 6 months before they turn it of and kill him.

I gasped as I heard a voice from beside me. "Hello?" I dreary, pretty much just as dead as Nick looked Kevin Jonas whispered from the waiting chair.

"Oh… um, hi" What should I say, I don't want to do anything to upset them. They don't even know me. What if I make them mad if they think im a stupid fan. Imagine having your sibling in the hospital and you have to worry about stupid teenage girls bursting in.

What a shit life. "I'm gonna… get out of this room for a while. Keep watching Nick" Kevin didn't even sound like he was in reality. I don't think he knew who he was talking to.

"…okay" I muttered. I had turned around again. I could see Nick. Nicholas Jerry Jonas.

I can't see him like this. What if this the last time I see him. They are gonna lock me up in a mental institution. For definitely longer than 6 months. This can not be my last memory if Nick.

I sat on the end of his bed. The tears just started pouring out now. "Nick… please" I muttered.

I'm way to depressed now to think about how fucking classic I sound. "I love you, please… please wake up" Wouldn't it be cliché' if Nick opened his eyes. If he turned around and sat up going _'You woke me' _and pulled me into a deep everlasting kiss.

I sound like a fucking prep. "Nick. It's Lily. I'm here. I'm fine. I'm waiting for you. I know you can hear me." I placed my hand on his. His hand was cold.

"Please Nick. I need you, I need to know there will be something I can think of in that fucking mental institute that I can look forward to when I come out." My voice was muffled now. My tears had fallen onto his hand. I wiped them off.

I looked up quickly, wiping my tears. Kevin had walked back into the room.

This was when I thought I'd started hallucinating. I felt something on my hand. It wasn't much. I surprised I even felt it. I probably wouldn't have if my nerves weren't reacting retardedly fast because of how shaken up I am. But I definitely felt that.

"Kevin? Kevin get a nurse in here!" I yelled as loud as my throat would allow me.

He seemed to be alert enough to run out and get a nurse. Even Joe had his eyes open and ran into the room. I could tell it was the first time he had been into the room because his eyes opened wide in shock. He was looking up and down at all the machines that were attached to Nick to just TRY to keep him alive.

"Move" Kevin's anxious voice came through from the hallway. He had a nurse following behind him.

"What is it? Did he open his eyes?" Kevins voice was frantic. I thought he was about to have a heart attack.

My throat clenched up. Maybe I had been imagining it.

"I felt something… on my hand. Just like a touch. I Don't really know."

"Are you sure?" The nurse asked calmly. I don't know why but I wanted to punch her. I was about to be like _Does it fucking matter. Is he going to wake up _ I figured that would not be smart. "Maybe…." I breathed.

"Could you please move?" She walked forward and put her hand on Nicks. "His pulse is the same." She breathed. "Some people have a reaction, they do something when someone important to them or someone they admire or can't live without is with them. Maybe if, it was your right" Her gaze was on me. She was being serious. "If you keep talking to him. It might jolt him from his coma."

"It is a proven fact. It might work you're his only hope if it is." She looked down. "The other possibility is that he is having a reaction to the medication. That could make him… well move slightly. That would mean the medication is killing him faster and poking his nerves causing him to seem alive."

Her face was guilt ridden.

"Which one is it?" It has to be the first one. Please. But why did she seem to be more confident in her explanation of the second one.

**That's it.**

**Sorry, I was reading Go Ask Alice. And that gave me plenty of idea's. Is this cliff hanger killing you or what? It's killing me, because even I don't know the answer… mostly.**


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